Whether you’re just starting to date or have been dating for years, chances are you’ve been wondering when it might be okay to start talking about sex. And with more people than ever before admitting they feel sexually inhibited, it’s never been a better time to get cracking on that conversation.

After all, if you want to see things go further in your relationship, the sooner you can refer back to earlier discussions and add new details, the better. As well as helping boost your sexual confidence, talking about sex can also help prevent uncomfortable silences from developing into arguments or hurts feelings from turning into breakups. Because let’s face it – the last thing we need is for our partner shutting us out because of something we said once (or even something we haven’t said yet).

What to talk about when you’re talking about sex

Whether you’re new to the idea or have been trying to initiate a conversation for a while, it’s a good idea to keep any discussion about sex-centered on your own wants and desires. Because if you try to talk about sex from the perspective of your partner, you’re more likely to get lost in a sea of expectations and misunderstandings.

Start by asking questions like “What’s something you’d like to try that you’ve never done before?”, “What’s something you’ve always wanted to do with a partner but have never found the right time or opportunity to try?” and “What’s something you’d like to know more about, and why?”

Know when you can talk about sex

No matter how much you want to get more intimate with your partner, there will always be some things you and your partner decide to keep to yourselves. This might be because you’re both still at different stages in your relationship and are trying to avoid stepping on each other’s toes.

It might also be because you both feel awkward about the idea of bringing up the subject. Whatever the reason, don’t feel pressured into saying something you don’t want to, or feel too embarrassed to say something you do want to. Because both of these can stop things from going anywhere and risk making you feel even more uncomfortable than you already do.

Be ready with questions and discussion topics

Before you dive straight into your first real conversation about sex, it’s a good idea to put together some easy-to-use discussion points. This could be things you’ve been wanting to ask the other person for a while, or things you’re curious about yourself.

If you have children, you could try bringing up the subject of puberty and sex with them in mind. If you’re on a dating app, you could also make a note of things your date says that they’d like to do but aren’t quite sure how to ask for. This might give you some clues on what you can say next.

Keep your tone neutral and respectful

It’s important to avoid overstepping any boundaries you’ve set or coming across as rude or aggressive. While it might feel natural to ask your partner about certain things when you’re in love, it’s not the same when you’re dating. When you’re out socially with friends, you’re allowed to be cheeky and ask some pretty forward questions.

When you’re out with your partner, you need to make sure you keep your tone respectful and don’t cross any lines. Do this by being clear about what you want to know and listening to your partner’s answers. If you feel like they’re going too fast or not answering clearly enough, you can always ask them to slow down or dig a little deeper.

Always be clear on what you want

If you’re asking your partner questions about sex you want to know more about, it’s important to make it clear what exactly you want to know. Because you want to avoid being vague about what you want and need, it’s a good idea to write it all down so there’s no confusion on either side.

This way, both you and your partner can have a clear idea of what you’d like to know. And if there are some things you don’t want to know, you can make this clear too. It’s also important to remember that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. This is especially true when it comes to sex and sexual health.

Make sure your partner is clear on what they need to do to stay safe and healthy. When it comes to what you want in a relationship, it’s a good idea to make it clear what you want in a relationship. This will help to avoid any confusion about what you want, or what you just want to see as the idea of a “relationship”.

Don’t assume there’s only one way to have sex

If you feel like it’s too soon to get into detail about sex, you’re not alone. Because the topic is so often associated with physical intimacy, many people feel like it’s only appropriate to talk about intercourse. However, this doesn’t have to be the case.

You can still discuss what sex looks like for your partner and what types of sex they enjoy without ever mentioning penetration. You don’t have to know all these things, and you don’t have to know them all right away. As long as you feel like it’s safe to talk about sex with your partner, you can start to add these details in and out as time goes by.

Wrapping up

When you’re trying to get more comfortable talking about sex in your relationship, it can be helpful to keep things simple and start by asking your partner a few basic questions. This can help you both to get a better understanding of each other, and can also help you learn more about your partner and their individual sex life.

Asking these questions might seem a little awkward at first, but it’s important to put some effort into getting the conversation going. You want to make sure you’re both on the same page before you can start to build sexual confidence together.